Night terrors, nightmares and dreams are all different sleeping events, and parents need to respond differently to help their children through these situations.
In the case of night terrors, parents are typically terrified by them, but most often the child does not remember having them.
These experiences take place during the first few hours after a child falls into deep sleep. The child in a deep sleep then suddenly cries uncontrollably or with piercing screams; she can't be consoled.
At the time the child appears intensely fearful but in the morning doesn't seem fazed by the experience.
Parents worry that something physical or emotional is troubling their child and the trouble is revealing itself in the middle of the night, but this is usually not the case.
Some children have episodes of night terrors once a month; other children have a night terror once a week. However, if they occur nightly parents should consult with their pediatrician or a sleep specialist.
One mom e-mailed to tell of her 27-month-old daughter's night terrors. The mom explained that they occurred every couple of months and didn't last very long. One night, though, the child was hysterical for about an hour. Her eyes were open but she didn't acknowledge her parents; she would flail about attempting to hit and kick along with screaming at the top of her lungs and crying.
The little girl vacillated between wanting to be held and not wanting to be touched, wanting milk and throwing the cup, wanting a shirt and throwing it. Finally the dad touched a cold cup of milk to her cheek; doing so woke her up enough to recognize her mom and dad. Then the three went through a calming routine that involved looking out the living-room window and then offering a calming prayer. The child then went back to sleep.
Since that hourlong night terror, the parents moved bedtime up an hour and established a consistent bedtime routine. Since then the child has had night terrors only rarely. When one does occur, they soothe her back to sleep by repeating this mantra for 5-7 minutes, "You are safe. Mommy and Daddy love you. It is time to go night-night."
No longer does she thrash about, but she does sit up, eyes wide open and moving her arms in an odd way — like she is crawling or swimming. Sometimes she cries softly or talks. After hearing the mantra, she lies right down and falls asleep. All of these episodes happened one to two hours after going to bed.
Dreams and nightmares are far different. Toddlers and preschool-age children sometimes wake bewildered from a dream — sugar plums dancing in their heads — or nightmares — a visit from the Wicked Witch. Dreams and nightmares occur during the early morning hours when a person isn't in a deep sleep.
Children's minds hold memories of what's happened during the day. During the night they dream, but for young children, because the line between fantasy and reality is so thin, they don't understand that what they imagined only took place in their mind.
The mental picture might be scary with monsters, goblins and witches, who make the imaginative event a nightmare. Or it could involve dump trucks, excavators and bulldozers working on a neighborhood road, which make it a dream. Both are perplexing.
When an adult wakes from a dream or a nightmare, no matter how alarming or convoluted, he knows it didn't really occur. The adult clears his mind and goes back to sleep.
When a young child has a dream or a nightmare, it's tough for him to shake it on his own. Therefore, mom or dad needs to go into the child's bedroom and offer comfort and an explanation, "You had a dream (or nightmare). It seemed real, but it wasn't. I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."
In time, night terrors drop out of sight, and children learn to manage their own dreams. But for years they need mom or dad when a nightmare frightens them.
Jan Faull, a specialist in child development and behavior, answers questions of general interest in her column. You can e-mail her at janfaull@aol.com or write to: Jan Faull, c/o Families, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111. More columns at www.seattletimes.com/columnists
