With Mother's Day just around the corner, it's time for moms to make sure they are taking care of their own mental and physical health.
Take a look at your life and answer the following questions.
Do you enjoy the responsibilities of motherhood?
You probably are enjoying most of them, but since being a mother is more than a full-time job — with no paychecks, awards banquets or promotions — there's no doubt that you occasionally feel overwhelmed and burdened with the responsibilities of being a mother.
The remedy? Plan a weekly break to reenergize yourself.
Has your identity and individuality returned since the arrival of your children?
Probably not, nor will it ever completely. You might return to your job and be the same employee or boss as before but now you're a mother, too, so somehow you must assimilate both positions into your life. You may still be a wife, but now you're a mother as well. Somehow you'll need to find a way to wear all those hats without sacrificing yourself 100 percent of the time. Even the most skilled juggler needs breaks from that role.
Is your best parenting good enough?
Give up the notion of perfect parenting. On a day when you stop answering e-mail to help your preschooler complete the same puzzle over and over until she masters it, recognize that doing so is good parenting and it's enough.
When you attend a rock concert with a group of teenagers just to see that everyone is safe, recognize, as you plug your ears and observe outrageous hairstyles and amazing outfits, that doing so is good parenting and it's enough.
Do you feel guilty about some aspect of your parenting?
Of course you do. Guilt and parenting go hand-in-hand. When you scream at your children because you've had a bad day, refuse to play one more video game or insist beyond reason that your child clean his plate, you're likely to feel guilty. When you do, apologize and then read an extra story before bedtime or take your child and a friend to the movies and be done with your guilt.
No child can resist taking advantage of a parent who feels guilty. Therefore do something positive with your guilt and return to productive parenting.
Can you remember the last time you had fun away from your children?
If you can't, you're going to be in trouble when your nest is empty. You'll fare better if you can have fun with and without your children present. Besides, if your children see themselves as the center of your life, they'll likely expect center stage from others as well. No one else will think them as amusing as you, except maybe their grandparents.
There will be numerous times when you give of yourself for your children, but you don't need to give up your life. It's not beneficial to you or your children to give your identity over to motherhood alone.
Jan Faull, a specialist in child development and behavior, answers questions of general interest in her column. You can e-mail her at janfaull@aol.com or write to: Jan Faull, c/o Families, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111. More columns at www.seattletimes.com/columnists
